Thursday, March 22, 2007

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da...

has been stuck in my head all day.

A lot has happened. I'll start with what I didn't want to write about on Sunday:
Thursday night I couldn't sleep, and it became clear to me what I was supposed to do. I needed to write my Grandma a letter, telling her that I love her, and thanking her for all the things I took for granted. I knew in that moment that she wouldn't see the next week. I saw her in January. She was healthy enough to insist that my little sister and I slept in her room, while she slept on the couch. The letter sat on my night stand all day Friday, and Saturday I found her address. Sunday I got a call from my Dad. She had a heart attack, and was in the hospital, and that she probably wouldn't make it.
I cried so hard. I don't cry very often anymore, but for a full 4 minutes I was inconsolable. I knew that she was going to die. I had already been told, and yet I didn't move my feet. I assumed that it would take care of itself.
I asked my dad if there was a way I could overnight the letter, but he said that there wasn't time. Later that night he asked me to email it to his sister, which I raced home from church to do. They read it to her Monday morning before they pulled the plug. She died Monday night.

I talked to a few people about it. Most memorably to Lori and Troy. We talked about the conflict of being a beleaver and facing the death of others. I don't like the thought of good people in hell. People that I know. People who just didn't or couldn't know God.

Wednesday I got an EEG. It was, by far, the most metal thing I've ever done. Painless, other than when they flashed a strobe in my face for a full minute. If I wasn't epileptic before then, I am now. I posted some pictures on myspace.

Today I had an MRI, which was a dramatically different experience. I first started to panic when they put the IV in my arm. I got a little shakey, and made an emergency call to Brad. I calmed down, watched the fish in the large salt-water tank, and then changed into my little robe thing. I layed on the table, and the nice woman put my head in a plastic cage-like thing. I started to get teary. And they they clamped the plastic pieces down, making a full cage around my face and chest. I just layed there crying. Not sobbing, but tears running down either side of my face. Nothing I could do about it. We just had to wait until I stopped. The nice lady gave me more ear padding (I'm sensitive to loud noises... and smells), and a towel to cover my eyes.
Once the machine started, I was ok. I was at first freaked out by the noises, but soon found that they had kind of rhythm. I was able to calm myself down by humming out improvised melodies that fit its changing chord structures. I honestly think I could have made Bjork proud. I forgot for a while that I was in a magnetic tube, and became a composer of strange new music.

I've been babysitting for the Everett's, and I think they are the greatest people ever. Rennae called to see how the MRI went, and prayed for me while I was in there. Every single member of that family is considerate, helpful, and has a sort of grace that I pray for. I just thought I'd throw that out there.

Elinor came in the mail today. I just opened her up. My pearly-white Hohner angel. I strapped her on and almost wept for joy. The sound is glorious. The texture of the keys are perfect. I couldn't be more happy about my new accordion. I'm not even sorry that the last one got broken.

--wait, just kidding, not the last thing. Courtney just informed me that we have "the biggest, fattest mouse ever" in our kitchen. YES!


Cameron Lawrence said...

Very moving post, Katie. I'm glad your grandma got to hear your letter.

And congrats on the accordion! And...the mouse?

Jason Campbell said...

That is a lot for a handful of days. I am sorry about your grandmother ...

It is super hard to face, but its good to never ignore the reality of it.

The MRI sounds crazy. I would have cried to, so scary. Before you mentioned Bjork, I was thinking about Dancer in the Dark ... I'm glad your life isn't that bad! That is actually my favorite musical ever (I usually hate musicals ... especially Grease, which my sisters loved).

I have killed many a mouse, so let me know if you need any help. And I love the Everett's too!!!

katiewhitecoat said...

I have actually never seen Dancer in the Dark. And I love musicals. Not as much as my high school prom date... but enough.