guess who:

questions:
A. has 5 cavities and a dead front tooth.
B. is getting fillings and a root canal next month.















answers:
A. me.
B. me.

i am not sad.

It's 4am on Saturday. I'm still awake, having realized the pitiful patterns of my life these days, and the overwhelming, and unknown grace of God.

I don't know how to express to you how lazy I've been.
How little effort I've put into my relationship with God.
How I've trivialized the bond that we can have with the Creator.

How I've avoided words like "spiritual" in my everyday conversations.
For months all I've talked about is morality and standards. Both are meaningless.
My community, as a whole, has atrophied.
And why? I can't figure it out.

Coming to terms with my laziness, all that I can think is that I don't deserve to be in God's family.
And then I recall fun sayings like "well, nobody deserves it. You were bought by the blood of Christ. There's nothing you can do to earn it."
But we, who have been bought and are fully aware of that... when we lose our vigor and spend our nights watching television... what of that? When we opt to not talk about our spiritual lives because we know deep down that there's nothing going on. When we choose to be agitated by little things and let them define our entire day.

I don't believe that I ever stopped loving God... but somewhere along the way, I stopped living for Him.

Where does this leave me? How do I hear His voice again?




To those of you who read this and do not subscribe to the Christian religion, I'm sorry if I offended or frightened you. I want to say "you know I'm not one of 'those guys,'" or "what's right for me is right for me"... but I don't know that I believe either of those. And I guess it's dishonest of me to shrug it off as though I do.

what's my age again? - for the record, i have never called myself a blink 182 fan.

Sitting at my desk, fingernails freshly coated in red, I ponder:
Being 21 really, really sucks.

I now have the freedom, and therefore the obligation, to hang out with my friends at the bars they usually go to.
Wednesday I went to The Local, where some striking young dude asked me to set him up with my friend Sam. Which is both, um, considerate and mature.
And then tonight I went to Estoria, where I stood awkwardly in a circle with 3 girls and one dude, until another dude came along. This brilliant strategy split the group so that the first dude could get up the courage to zero in on the one he really wanted, leaving the other girl and myself to talk to the most boring hippie on the planet. Literally stuck there, talking to this dude about "social networking" as a profession.

When did we start getting younger?

Where did all the uplifting people in my life go? I feel like I used to be a part of this community that supported one another. Now everyone just kind of dodges through and around each other.



In other news, Ratatouille is really good. As is the new Harry Potter.

Also, someone tried to steal my room mate last week. Not as in "hey, I want you to come and pay rent with me". More like, "hey, i'm going to follow you home in the middle of the night and camp outside of your house because the police won't show up for at least an hour" kind of way.
I am extremely dissappointed with the local police department. And I want to move.



Also, do you have a little brother? I want to meet him.

The End Today.

hey guys...

so I'm 21 now.
Make some fuss.