Wednesday, June 11, 2008

okok. i take it back.

The verbal smack downs at Trinity softball are awesome. I was being sensitive before.
It's really difficult to not be too hard on myself sometimes.
Like, when I was playing sports at a competitive level, I was so emotionally invested in the game that I felt like a complete failure if I struck out, or if I ball got past me, or if I overthrew. And if I didn't feel like a failure, somebody was going to remind me that I should.
Every time I walked somebody last week I felt like I was letting my team down.
And... that's kind of lame.
So, knowing that no one takes this too seriously, I think I can start having fun and getting to know lots of new people.

I also strained my left quadriceps.

I didn't delete my last post because while I may have been over-sensitive, I don't think I was being irrational.
And above all, I meant what I said about feeling abandoned by my friends in the church.
I went through something that was really different for me this past fall, and it kind of blew up in my face. And nobody was there to remind me to show some grace. The whole experience just left me a little duller around the edges than I was before, but with a sharper, meaner whit.

I was on campus just a little bit ago, and a bus was heading in my direction. The front of it said, "JESUS," and I thought to myself, "now that's a little overkill".
When the bus passed by, I read "" on the back. I've been to this website before. It's something that I had once hoped to become involved in.
Then I realized that I'm much more of a humanitarian than a Christian these days.
I try so hard to be a good "Christian" while maintaining a certain level of cool.
My prayer is to become foolish again.

I'm leaving for Venice in less than 2 months.
I don't know what to do. Sometimes I spontaneously burst into tears.
Not really. But I do get emotional.

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