I had an awful dream last night. One that I've had before, but this time with a new twist...
Once again I was getting married, and as always I knew that I didn't want to. The difference is that this time I went through with it!! The day after I told him I wanted a divorce. Making it an even worse version of my regular nightmare.
Optimism. I has it.
Tonight I sifted through a box of old notebooks/sheet music at my mom's house. Here is what I uncovered:
- That I learned NOTHING in high school.
- That I'm way cool for having composed a string quartet version of Elliot Smith's two waltzes on XO in 11th grade.
- That I must have started pretty early on the whole having-awesome-taste-in-music thing.
- Just how much time I devoted to choral music.
- That Sarah and I once planned a hard core band called xDIExARIAx.
- That I used to think Cornerstone was the coolest thing ever.
- That I was sooooo emo.
- That at one point I wasn't awful at drawing.
- That I start writing in lots of notebooks... but have yet to finish one.
- That I used to have a really good friend named Phillip.
That last one sent me through a loop. I found a letter he had written me some November 20th. I didn't even have to look at the return address. I just know that writing.
We've always lived in different cities, but in the booming years of internet, cell phones, and Napster, he wrapped letters around mix tapes. He was one of the greatest friends I've ever had.
He wrote this particular letter about how God had met with him one morning while visiting me at my parents' house. I was asleep upstairs ("snoring like a bear"). He was so full of faith, and when we would talk about things, they just seemed to make much more sense than they did before.
The last time I ever saw him, we were praying feverously across my kitchen table.
If what people have told me is true, Phillip still writes. He's also still in the business of telling people about music they had never heard of before. He gets paid to do both (as he should).
There are certain things that I think about every day. Phillip and his wife are one of those things.
They'd probably hate to know that.
I did an awful thing to a batch of cupcakes tonight.